Cold hands, warm shart.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I skipped work to stalk him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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