after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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