He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have fence marks all over my body
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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