I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
