can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
