You're my little dorito
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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