i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
