By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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