Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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