Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
