dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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