I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
