If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
