I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
