We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
