Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
