I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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