wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
