i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
