you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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