Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
