My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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