I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
