its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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