I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
