I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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