I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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