he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
