The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
