An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
try to milk me bitch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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