Taylor Swift is so right about you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
