when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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