Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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