This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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