Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
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