$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All the doctor said was why
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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