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She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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