called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
