mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
