I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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