If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
