good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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