i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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