My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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