I think I won the penis lottery.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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