I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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