New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
