Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
