I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
