Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize