I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
