Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
