Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im holly from the hills drunk
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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