Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
