Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And then he peed in my hair
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