somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
