I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
