so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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