This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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