hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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