Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
