don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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