just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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