Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
