He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
